No new Doctor Who last Saturday, so no recap this week. But I did find this Radio Times article through TV tattle. In it, Radio Times surveyed British television viewers asking them to rank British actors' American accents. Judging by the resulting lists, the rankings merely reflect the popularity of each actor and actress, as 8 of the top ten Best are also 8 of the top ten Worst:
The Best
1. Hugh Laurie (House)
2. Anna Friel (Pushing Daisies)
3. Michelle Ryan (Bionic Woman)
4. Damian Lewis (Band of Brothers)
5. Minnie Driver (The Riches)
6. Eddie Izzard (The Riches)
7. Joely Richardson (Nip/Tuck)
8. Ian McShane (Deadwood) 9. Louise Lombard (CSI: Crime Scene Investigation)
10. Marianne Jean-Baptiste (Without a Trace)
The Worst
1. Michelle Ryan (Bionic Woman)
2. Eddie Izzard (The Riches)
3. Anna Friel (Pushing Daisies)
4. Hugh Laurie (House)
5. Ian McShane (Deadwood)
6. Sean Maguire (The Class)
7. Minnie Driver (The Riches)
8. Joely Richardson (Nip/Tuck)
9. Louise Lombard (CSI: Crime Scene Investigation)
10. Dominic West (The Wire)
Though, to be fair to the British people, I think if I made a similar list, my "best American accent" rankings would also reflect my favorites because, well, that is who I watch and know. Still, it is something I like to think about, and I think that as an actual American, my opinion on how good or poor an American accent is the more distinct opinion. :-)
So how would I rank among the selected top 8 British favorites? First, I will have to take Ian McShane and Louise Lombard out of the running because I've never seen a full episode of either Deadwood or CSI. That leaves...
1) Hugh Laurie - The man works hard at making his words American and his speech natural, and it pays off beautifully. I first watched him be just as delightfully mean, smug and intelligent on MI-5/Spooks, and before House, MD premiered I wondered if he would be as delightful in an American accent and...he is.
2) Joely Richardson - I don't watch much Nip/Tuck, so I haven't had many opportunities to observe her trip over "r"s and flatten vowels, but I haven't noticed a misplaced accent.
3) Minnie Driver - On The Riches she does a southern accent, so she has it a bit easy there. Southern is easy to do, and I'm not southern enough to notice a difference between Louisiana accents and the rest of the south. Her regional accent may be off, but it sounds credibly southern and I don't notice British accented quirks.
4) Anna Friel - She does a good job, but I think the affected accent throws off her acting occasionally.
5) Eddie Izzard - To my ear, he occasionally drops his southern, "Louisiana" accent.
6) Michelle Ryan - I have only seen half an episode of Bionic Woman. I've seen more of her in Jekyll where she was naturally British and fabulous. Her acting ability in an American accent was decidedly not fabulous, which made the American accent seem poor too.
My favorites who didn't make the Radio Times top 10:
Idris Elba - I have watched him in The Wire. He is my hands-down favorite of the moment, and his character hasn't even been on for a couple seasons. He does an African American Baltimore accent! He is a Brit doing a regional American accent that even most Americans wouldn't recognize as regional. It is outstanding. And it helps that The Wire is an outstanding show.
Damian Lewis - He was my favorite until Idris beat him out, and largely for the same reasons as Idris. He fooled me. I watched him play Major Richard Winters for an entire miniseries, and was convinced he was from Lancaster County, Pennsylvania (my hometown). I don't know if he met Major Winters and based his accent off of his, but his acting and accent felt dead-on.
Jamie Bamber - (Another Band of Brother alum, also playing a Pennsylvanian serviceman). His British roots are very occasionally slightly detectable, but the accent never interferes with performance, and the difference between his American speaking voice and British speaking voice is huge.
Speaking of Band of Brothers. I love that miniseries, and one of my favorite things to do while re-watching is play a little game: Spot the Brit. The series filmed in England and many of the actors were British. Liebgott---Scottish and marrying Jennifer Love Hewitt. Sgt. Martin---Englishman named Dexter. Medic Roe---English. Popeye---English. Harry Welsh---English. Also, many of the actors were relative unknowns to Americans at the time. Go back and rewatch it and you will spot in minor roles not only Jamie Bamber, but Marc Warren, James McAvoy and Simon (freaking) Pegg.
Finally, all this accent thinking leads me to the contemplation of Americans doing British Accents and who I think has done an excellent job, i.e., who fooled me:
Jennifer Ehle (BBC's Pride & Prejudice) - This actress had me fooled for a decade. She played Elizabeth Bennet opposite Colin Firth's Mr. Darcy and I never noticed an out of place syllable, nor a hint of North Carolina sweetness.
Gwyneth Paltrow (Emma, Sliding Doors). - Her roles in Sliding Doors and Emma had me fooled. It wasn't until she hosted Saturday Night Live in 1999 that I actually believed she was American. Heck, she won an Oscar for her accent.
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Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Doctor Who: The Unicorn and the Wasp
Recap for the seventh episode in series 4 of Doctor Who
We hear the sound of the TARDIS as the screen shows a large stone manor house. Cut to the TARDIS, out of which the Doctor and Donna step. The Doctor smells grass, lemonade and a hint of mint, thereby deducing they are in 1920s. Donna is not impressed…because the Doctor is also staring at a vintage 1920s car.
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We hear the sound of the TARDIS as the screen shows a large stone manor house. Cut to the TARDIS, out of which the Doctor and Donna step. The Doctor smells grass, lemonade and a hint of mint, thereby deducing they are in 1920s. Donna is not impressed…because the Doctor is also staring at a vintage 1920s car. Knee swinging 1920s music plays as the butler of the manor house, Greeves, greets the driver of the car, Professor Peach. They are quickly joined by Reverend Golightly who arrives on his bicycle. Greeves informs the gentlemen that Lady Eddison requests they make themselves comfortable in their rooms. Also, cocktails will be served on the lawn from half past four. The Professor needs to first look up something in the library. The Reverend notes “all this work will be the death of [him].” So, my guess: Professor Peach. In the Library. With a….candlestick? (The candlestick was always my weapon of choice, and who knew the Brits called it “Cluedo”?). The Doctor and Donna have been eavesdropping. Donna is excited to attend a party in the 1920s (I’d be more excited if it were a Jay Gatsby party on West Egg), and the Doctor will use his psychic paper to get them in.
Professor Peach is in the library where he has uncovered a secret. Someone we don’t see interrupts him. Professor Peach recognizes the person, but wonders what they are doing “with that bit of lead piping.” (Drat! Not the candlestick). Professor Peach’s jaw goes slack with fear and awe. Also, the camera turns his face into a kaleidoscope of frames. “That’s impossible,” claims Professor Peach as he gets bludgeoned in the head by a giant wasp.
Opening Titles. Gareth Roberts wrote this episode. He also wrote last season’s The Shakespeare Code, which I loved.
Donna exits the TARDIS in low-waisted, fringe-skirted 1920s attire. “What do you think,” she asks the Doctor, “flapper or slapper?” (I don’t speak Brit, so the humor in this line is wasted on me). The Doctor goes with “flapper,” tells Donna she looks lovely, and lends an elbow to escort her. The Doctor is being well behaved? This can’t last long.
Garden party on the lawn. An Indian woman (meaning a woman of South Asian descent, not Pocahontas) tells the staff to “look sharp,” as Donna and the Doctor approach. Greeves comes along behind them announcing Lady Clemency Eddison. The Doctor greets Lady Eddison like a long lost friend. She doesn’t recognize him. No Matter, he’s the Doctor! with his friend Donna Noble, of the Chiswick Nobles. “Good afternoon, milady,” intones Donna, “spiffing day, top-oh.” “No-no-no-no-no” admonishes the Doctor, “don’t do that.” Evidently Donna’s exaggerated received pronunciation is conspicuous, but the exaggerated received pronunciation by the other actors is not. The Doctor flashes their invite/psychic paper, and Lady Eddison pretends she does know him. She’s checking invites because The Unicorn is on the loose. “A unicorn. Brilliant! Where?” wonders the Doctor. (Awesome!). Sadly, the Unicorn is the name of a jewel thief currently preying on the British upper class.
Greeves now announces Colonel Hugh Curbishley, Lady Eddison’s husband, and their son Roger Curbishley. (I love Greeves, his name-announcing makes a recap much easier). Colonel Hugh is in a wheelchair and has been “ever since that flu epidemic back in ’18), and Roger is gay (he compliments Donna’s dress and throws a seductive eye at the male waiter). The Doctor explains to Donna and me that the Eddison title ascends through Lady Eddison, hence the Colonel is a mere Curbishley and one day Roger will be Lord Eddison. Greeves announces another partygoer: Robina Redmond, “the absolute hit of the social scene, a must,” claims Lady Eddison. Robina thinks it’s “spiffing” to at last meet Lady Eddison. Greeves announces Reverend Golightly. Lady Eddison consoles the Revered over a church break-in by some young “ruffians,” whom the Reverend apprehended. Roger thinks naughty little boys deserve a good thrashing. The waiter agrees with him. Donna overhears and laments that all the decent men are “on the other bus.” “Or Time Lords,” adds the Doctor. (This joke falls flat too. Oh, and “on the other bus” is Brit speak for “batting for the other team.” You’re welcome).
The last guest arrives. She introduces herself to Donna as Agatha Christie. “What about her?” queries Donna. “That’s me,” clarifies Agatha. “No! You’re kidding,” marvels Donna. The Doctor is a big fan too. He quite enjoys her work. She fools him…that one time, but it was a good one. (Confession. I have never read an Agatha Christine novel. My knowledge of her works amounts to a collection of six words: Miss, Marple, Hercule, Poirot, Orient, and Express. Allegedly, this episode is laced with references to her more than 160 pieces of work. I’ve probably missed some spectacular ones already, that you, dear reader, might be desiring to hear about. Get used to disappointment). Agatha evaluates our time and space traveling duo and comments they make an unusual couple. The Doctor and Donna talk over each other as they deny they are married. (Still. No. Longer. Funny.) “Obviously,” you’re “not,” says Agatha, “no wedding ring.” Donna and the Doctor are impressed. (I’m not. If I met David Tennant at a garden party, the first thing I’d check would be that little finger!) Stay single, advises Agatha “the thrill is in the chase, never in the capture.” Does that mean that this episode will be anticlimactic? No, it means Agatha is projecting. You see Mrs. Christie is at the party alone because her husband is a rotten, no-good cheater.
About now, the party guests start wondering where Professor Peach is. (In the library! With the lead pipe! It’s my favorite joke of the episode and I’m not letting go of it.) The Doctor takes Donna aside and points out the date he has found on a newspaper: December 8, 1926, the day Agatha Christie disappeared. The Doctor gives Donna a celebrity history lesson: Agatha has just discovered her husband’s affair. She is at this party smiling away because she is British and moneyed, it’s what they do “they carry on.” (Why is the Doctor explaining British people to British Donna?) Except today, Agatha Christie will vanish. (Warning: this speech is inter-cut with a montage of spinning newspaper headlines and flashbacks. This is not the end of such annoying, un-Who like camera tricks for this episode.) Her car will be found tomorrow morning by the side of a lake. Ten days later Agatha Christie will turn up at a hotel in
Meanwhile, the servant of South Asian descent, Miss Chandrakala, who was sent in search of Professor Peach, has found something so awful in the library that it forces her to run back outside waving her arms and literally screaming “murder.” (It would have been much funnier if she were literally screaming “bloody murder.”)
The Doctor runs to the library and inspects Professor Peach’s prone body. The Doctor notes he suffered head trauma from a blunt instrument and that his watch broke as he fell, so the time of death was 4:15. Donna finds the lead pipe. Agatha finds a scrap of paper.
“Someone should call the police,” suggests Agatha. “Don’t have to,” says the Doctor, he’s Chief Inspector Smith with Scotland Yard, says so right on his piece of psychic paper. Ms. Noble is the “plucky young girl that helps [him] out.” The Doctor directs the guests to go into the sitting room where he will question each of them in turn. “Why don’t we phone the real police?” asks Donna. The Doctor doesn’t want human law enforcement dealing with the morphic residue he’s just found. Morphic residue, he explains, is left behind when certain species genetically re-encode. One of the guests is an alien in human form. So “there’s a murder, a mystery, and Agatha Christie?” Donna rhymes. “Happens to me all the time,” the Doctor casually brags. Donna still thinks it is a weird coincidence and compares it to the unlikely scenario of meeting Charles Dickens and “he’s surrounded by ghosts at Christmas.” Next she compares the unlikely situation of seeing “Enid Blyton having tea with Noddy." (Comparable
The Doctor sets the plan. He and Agatha will interview the suspects. Donna will search their rooms for clues…using a giant magnifying glass the Doctor pulls from his inside jacket pocket. I thought he was angry with her? Why does she get the fun snooping job? The Doctor then starts geeking out about how much fun it will be to solve a murder mystery with Agatha Christie. “How like a man to have fun while there’s disaster all around him,” snits Agatha. So, Agatha Christie: definitely not TARDIS companion material. She’ll work with the Doctor, gladly, but for the sake of justice, not the Doctor’s own amusement. Clearly, she doesn’t understand what this TV show is all about.
First Interview: Reverend Golightly. At 4:15 the Reverend was unpacking alone (but with the Lord). Second Interview: Roger Curbishley. At 4:15 he was “taking a constitutional,” behind the house, while also trysting with the waiter. Third Interview: Robina Redmond. At 4:15 she was in the toilet preparing herself for the party and loading bullets into a pistol. (Miss Scarlet. In the toilet. With the revolver! See, told you, I’m not letting the Clue jokes go.) Fourth Interview: Colonel Hugh. At 4:15 he was in the study looking at the 1926 version of pornography---soft pornography, because this is a kids’ show. Fifth Interview: Lady Eddison. At 4:15 she was in the blue room sneaking a swig of alcoholic fortification in preparation for her hostessing duties.
Each of these interview bits have harp music accompanied flashbacks which “amusingly” belie what the interviewee is saying.
Now the Doctor and Agatha finally look at the bit of paper Agatha took from the fire. It says the word “maiden.” “Maiden!” the Doctor loudly and unnecessarily screams. Agatha and I are both annoyed. Both the word maiden and the screaming aren’t much help right now.
Donna is upstairs where she uses her Scotland Yard cred to get Greeves to open a locked room which hasn’t been opened in the 40 years since Lady Eddison used it to recover from a six month case of trip-to-India induced malaria. Six months plus the teddy bear on the dusty bed tell me Lady Eddison had a “lying-in.” While investigating the room, Donna is attacked by the giant buzzing wasp. Donna does the only awesome thing you’re going to see this episode and uses the giant magnifying glass to magnify a burning ray of sunlight onto the giant wasp. It works, temporarily. Donna runs and slams the door on the wasp’s giant stinger before it can get her.
The Doctor and Agatha, hearing Donna’s screams, come running. She tells them about the wasp. “What do you mean a giant wasp?” asks the Doctor. She means A WASP THAT’S GIANT. Geeze, unicorn man, use some imagination! Donna points to the enormous stinger lodged in the door as proof. The wasp is gone, but the Doctor examines the stinger for resin and rattles off some spacey technobabble that Agatha half understands enough to know that the Doctor is “completely potty,” which I hope is antiquated Brit speak. Agatha wants to return to sanity, “there are no such things as giant wasps.” “Exactly,” agrees the Doctor, so “what’s it doing here?”
Downstairs. The help are gossiping with Miss Chandrakala about the Professor Peach murder. The gossip sparks an idea in Miss Chandrakala and she has something urgent to tell Lady Eddison. She walks outside where someone pushes a stone gargoyle from the roof on top of her. Her death fails to rival the spectacular gore of Tim Messenger in Hot Fuzz, but the scene is close enough that I’m pretty sure this is a famous type of death straight out of an Agatha Christie adapted film.
The Doctor follows the sound of “splat!” to discover Miss Chandrakala’s body. “The poor little child!” she manages to croak before she…well,…croaks. Buzzing sound! The giant wasp appears from the roof. The Doctor, Donna and Agatha take to the stairs, chasing it. They find the Wasp and the Doctor tries to reason with it. I’ve tried reasoning with yellow jackets (i.e., “please, please, please ignore me, if you go away I’ll never walk near this part of dad’s landscaping ever again.”), it’s never worked for me. It doesn’t work for the Doctor either. Now the Wasp is chasing them, until Donna shows it her fearsome magnifying glass. Note to self: bring magnifying glass to parents’ house this summer. The Doctor, Donna and Agatha give chase again hoping to catch the Wasp in human form. The Wasp’s getaway dead ends in a long hallway. The Doctor demands it show itself. In response, the five suspects open their bedroom doors.
The suspects and detectives gather in the sitting room. The waiter lets everyone know Miss Chandrakala was on her way to tell Lady Eddison something. The Doctor asks if the “poor little child” phrase means anything. No, there haven’t been children in the house for years. (40 years I’d guess). The suspects start badgering Agatha to solve the case since she’s such a brilliant mystery writer. Agatha passes the buck to the Doctor. He also has no answers. Hmm, unusual for him.
Agatha sits alone outside. Donna comes to comfort her. Agatha feels a failure because she can’t solve the murder. Donna suspects Agatha’s main confidence problem is her dead-beat husband. Donna tells Agatha about her own, literally dead-beat fiancé. Agatha is sort of offended that her marital woes are such common knowledge, but she sticks to her depressive thoughts, lamenting that her books aren’t great literature and will probably be forgotten.
Then Agatha spies something in the flower beds: a burgling tool kit. Back in the sitting room the Doctor has the kit and announces that the Unicorn is also amongst the guests. Greeves brings in some refreshments, and the Doctor explains that the resin from the stinger tells him the Wasp is a Vespiform from another galaxy. For some reason this Vespiform is behaving, atypically, like a character in one of Agatha’s books. Donna wants to brainstorm by thinking of what Miss Marple would do. Agatha thinks the idea of a harmless old lady solving crimes is a clever idea. I bet she’ll write about it someday.
Uh oh. Something is inhibiting the Doctor’s enzymes! The Doctor starts violently twitching and jumping because he has been poisoned by the glass of sparkling cyanide he just drank. The Doctor runs to the kitchen for a cure.
In the kitchen he begs for ginger beer, which, as I understand, is a lot like ginger ale only it tastes bad, sort of like the difference between British and American pies. I kid! I kid! He finds the ginger beer, guzzles some, and then pours the rest over his head. The Doctor claims the cyanide won’t be fatal if he can stimulate his enzymes into reversal. To do that he needs protein, PROTIEN! Donna gives him walnuts, which he also manages to guzzle. His mouth is full of walnuts so he reverts to the Donna-Doctor pantomime form of communication. The pantomime is far less successful (and entertaining) this time. The Doctor shakes his right hand in the air. With the left hand he signals “one word” charades-style. Donna and I try to guess. Shake, Milkshake, Milk, Cocktail Shake, a Harvey Wallbanger (“that last guess was all Donna”). The Doctor, who can talk now, is incensed that Donna thinks he means a two-worded cocktail. Salt! He was miming salt. Donna brings him a bag of salt. Won’t work, he complains, turns out salt is too salty. Agatha brings him anchovies, which he accepts. The Doctor guzzles anchovies, and three fourths of the viewing population cringes. The Doctor, mouth full of tiny fish, can’t talk again and goes back to pantomime by throwing up both hands and doing spirit fingers. “A song,” guesses Donna, “Camptown Races?” (Steven Foster? He’s American, he’s fricking Pennsylvanian. Is this episode allowed to have American references?). “Towering Inferno?” Donna guesses again. (What? the movie? How does that resemble spirit fingers?) A SHOCK! The Doctor needs a shock. So Donna gives him a big open-mouthed kiss. It works. A dark, gaseous substance comes pouring out of the Doctor’s mouth, once the kiss is over, of course. Effect of the kiss: the detox is complete and Donna and the Doctor? Still not a couple.
It is now the dark and stormy night. All guests sit around the dinner table, despite the deaths of the day because they are British! and must “carry on.” The Doctor is still sore about being poisoned and enzyme inhibited, so he has poisoned the entire table’s soup….with pepper. The piperine in the pepper is an insecticide and will cause the Wasp to reveal itself. Suddenly (and inexplicably) the lights and candles go out, the room darkens and everyone hears a buzzing sound. “No, it can’t be,” says Lady Eddison. The other diners search for the source of the buzzing, get scared and start to get up and run about and out of sight. The running out of sight was not part of the Doctor’s now, not-so-brilliant plan. The Wasp appears, but in the chaos, they still don’t know who it is. Donna, the Doctor and Agatha, along with Greeves find a hallway corner from which to defend themselves. Also, Donna makes an obligatory the-butler-didn’t-do-it joke. (Face it, if she didn’t I probably would have).
The buzzing stops, and the Doctor and company return to the dining room where the suspects are all cowering. Except for Roger. He is slumped face down in his soup with a knife in his back. Also, Lady Eddison’s “firestone” is missing from around her neck. So she lost both her son and her jewel. She is distraught.
The dark and stormy night continues. The Doctor, Agatha and Donna are in the sitting room brainstorming again. This time they are exploring the Wasp’s motive. The Wasp could just wipe them all out, so why is it playing this murder mystery game? Agatha posits that it must want something. “You’re right,” realizes the Doctor, and then he proceeds to give Agatha a pep talk about how her deep understanding of human nature makes her the best novelist ever and only she can solve this crime. Because she thought about motive? Wow, the Doctor is easily impressed tonight.
The detectives have now gathered all suspects in the sitting room for the big who-dun-it reveals. The Doctor gives Agatha a flowery introduction, and she starts. Donna sits nearby snacking on food and watching this floor show. Agatha starts with Miss Redmond. Miss Redmond is an impostor; she is actually the Unicorn! Clues: her use of the vulgar word “toilet” and the burgling kit found outside her window. Miss Redmond drops her “posh” accent, admits to her crime and throws the firestone jewel to the Doctor. (Implausible, I know. But wait, there’s much more implausibility to come!) Miss Redmond is a thief, but not a killer.
Next, Agatha examines the Colonel’s motives. Before she can say much, the Colonel crumbles under the weight of anticipated interrogation, stands and admits that he can walk. He only stays in the wheel chair to keep Lady Eddison chained to his side as a nursemaid. How did Agatha know? She didn’t. She was just going to say he was completely innocent.
Moving on, Agatha turns to Lady Eddison and the history of the firestone. Agatha spins a tale about Lady Eddison bringing the jewel and a pregnancy back from
Agatha explains that Lady Eddison’s child was given to the orphanage, but Professor Peach had worked out what happened from a birth certificate (that’s where the scrap of Maiden! paper came from, i.e. maiden name). And Miss Chandrakala had worked out what Professor Peach knew. “But Lady Eddison is innocent,” assures Agatha, and then she formally turns the detecting over to the Doctor.
The Doctor graciously thanks her (he IS behaving very well (for him) this episode) and points to Donna Noble. “What? Who did I kill?” asks Donna around a mouthful of food. No one. The Doctor is pointing because it was Donna who identified the vital clue: this whole thing is acting out like a murder mystery. Which means…the Doctor points to Agatha Christie. So Agatha killed them? No, again. Agatha wrote the murders. Therefore…the Doctor points to Lady Eddison. So she did kill them? Naah. She was up late last Thursday night reading Agatha Christie’s latest and greatest book, The Murder of Roger Ackroyd. “What else happened on Thursday night?” asks the Doctor as he slowly turns to Reverend Golightly. (Since the Doctor doesn’t point, I’m assuming the Reverend actually is the murderer). Last Thursday night the Reverend caught some boys breaking into the church. He says he apprehended them, but the Doctor doubts that a 40 year old man could detain two youths. Hold on, did he say 40 years old? Lady Eddison realizes the Reverend is her Vespiform love child.
Here is where the Doctor’s explanation gets really far-fetched. See if you can follow along: When the Reverend found the thieves he got deeply angry for the first time in his life. His deep anger broke a genetic lock, and he changed into a wasp for the first time. Additionally, he mentally connected with the firestone which is not just a jewel but a Vespiform telepathic recorder that is part of the Reverend and provides him with a template for his existence. When the Reverend activated so did the firestone. The stone beamed the template for the Reverend’s full identity into his mind but, and here's the problem, at the same time it also absorbed the works of Agatha Christie from Lady Eddison’s reading session. The mechanics of Agatha Christie’s novels became a template for the awakened Vespiform’s brain. He killed in this pattern because that’s what he thinks the world is.
Did you follow that, did I loose you in any of the five or six gaping plot holes? I hope you're with me, because it’s only going to get worse.
That’s how we got in the middle of a murder mystery concludes the Doctor. I think Donna finds this explanation as lame and confusing as I do, so she asks for confirmation. “So [the Reverend] killed them…definitely?” “Yes,” says the Doctor. Well, if the Doctor says so, it must be true.
The Reverend starts to get angry at these accusations and starts adding extra zzzzzz’s to the ends of his wordzzzzz. He also gets very red in the face and develops an awkward neck twitch. Basically, he is turning into the Wasp. A power hungry, human hating wasp. He wants to demonstrate his superiority over the human race by killing everyone in the room. (No, it doesn't make sense, we viewers just have to go with it).
“No,” shouts Agatha while holding the firestone. “If my imagination made you kill then my imagination will find a way to stop you, vile creature.” And she runs out the door. Donna, the Doctor, and the Wasp give chase. Agatha drives away in her car, luring the Wasp after her. The Doctor and Donna follow in Professor Peach’s car. Agatha is bawling while driving, crying that everything is all her fault. Yeah, Agatha all this was COMPLETELY foreseeable.
Where’s Agatha going? She’s heading for the lake. The same lake from which she disappears I bet. The Wasp is still following and his giant wings sound like a helicopter now. Agatha stops near the lakeside, gets out, and commands the Wasp to come to her. Here is the next confusing plot development: The Doctor explains that Agatha can control the Vespiform because its mind is based on her thought processes. (?????) Also, Agatha and the Wasp “are linked.” (???!!!???) Agatha figures out that if she dies the Wasp will die with her. (???????????????)
The Doctor tries reasoning with the Wasp again: “Don’t hurt [Agatha], you’re not meant to be like this you’ve got the wrong template in your mind.” Donna, it appears, shares my experiences with unreasonable yellow jackets. She recognizes the Wasp isn’t listening to the Doctor’s brand of reason, so she grabs the firestone from Agatha’s hand and hurls it into the lake. The Wasp dives in after it and proceeds to drown.
“Donna, that thing couldn’t help itself,” the Doctor admonishes. “Neither could I,” defends Donna. Doctor, this is the woman who helped you push the button that destroyed
Before the Wasp completely drowns, Agatha doubles over in pain. She is still connected to the Wasp, so she is dying too...until…the Wasp lets go. Right at the end, the Vespiform chose to save Agatha’s life. Awh, wasn’t that nice of him. Now we’ll get more to read. This is how Agatha Christie gets her amnesia, a side effect from the Vespiform almost killing her. And that’s the mystery of Agatha Christie: the Doctor did it! In the TARDIS! With a sonic screwdriver! (not really, I just wanted to do one, last Clue joke.)
The Doctor fills Donna in on Agatha’s future: new husband, history’s best selling novelist ever, etc. Also, it is likely Agatha’s amnesia wasn’t quite total. All the stuff the Doctor and Donna told her (Miss Marple, the Orient Express) and what she experienced (sparkling cyanide, the wasp, etc.) bled from her subconscious into her stories. Back in the TARDIS, the Doctor goes digging through his “C” trunk to further prove a point. From the “C” trunk the Doctor pulls a Cyberman breast plate, the Carrionite sisters’ crystal ball, Caecilius’s bust, and a book by Chirstie, Agatha, with a giant picture of a wasp on it. The edition was re-printed in the year 5,000,000,000. Even in the future, Agatha Christie is the best-selling novelist of all time.
The Doctor leaves us with this “emotional” tag: No one knows how they will be remembered, that is what kept Agatha writing and that is what keeps the Doctor traveling. Then, Donna and the Doctor flip a TARDIS switch and they’re off!
The End.
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Monday, May 12, 2008
Doctor Who: The Doctor's Daughter
A recap of the newest episode of Doctor Who.
(I wanted to see if I could do a Television Without Pity style recap).
The Doctor, Martha and Donna are in the TARDIS. The TARDIS and the actors are going all wonky and shaky (I wish they’d film the TARDIS-out-of-control scenes better) and the controls aren’t working. The Doctor doesn’t know where they are going, but does notice that his old hand (the one that got cut off by a Sycorax, and also the one that Captain Jack retrofitted as a “Doctor Detector”) is excited and bubbling. Donna is surprised the hand is the Doctor’s, she thought it was just “some freaky alien thing,” which, uh, it actually is. Martha fills Donna in: “it got cut off, he grew a new one.” Finally, they land somewhere, signaled by one final camera shake and a simultaneous flop to the TARDIS floor by all three actors. The Doctor is the first out the door trying to figure out where and why the TARDIS brought them. The three wander out into a debris filled tunnel. Some young soldiers find them and hold them at gunpoint. The Doctor raises his hands to show he is unarmed, and a giant guns-are-bad thematic anvil falls from his shoulders as he says, “look, no weapons, never any weapons.” The soldier boys note the Doctor, Martha and Donna have clean hands and suggest taking them to processing.
The soldiers force the Doctor over to a contraption in which they shove the Doctor’s hand elbow deep. He then screeches and complains (a Ten specialty) about the pain and exposits some gibberish about tissue extrapolation. He removes his hand, and the contraption has left a mark on it. A cage connected to the machine opens, out steps a girl. One of the soldier boys tosses her a gun. She innately knows how to use it. Martha, who doesn’t know the title of this episode, asks the Doctor where the girl came from. “From me,” says the Doctor, “she’s my daughter.” “Hello Dad,” says the Doctor’s daughter.
Opening credits.
Sidenote: yes, I know that the role of the Doctor’s daughter is being played by Georgia Moffett, daughter of Peter Davison, the actor who played the fifth incarnation of the Doctor. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, how cute. Okay, I’m over it.
While the Daughter immediately goes into soldier mode with the soldier boys, the Doctor exposits for Martha and Donna and the viewers at home that the Daughter is the result of progenation (not a real word according to spell check). The hand pinching machine took the Doctor's DNA and made him both mom and dad to the young, blond twenty-something kid who popped out of that cage.
Action time. Something is coming down the tunnel. It’s the Hath, a soldier boy informs us. The Doctor pushes Donna along as they duck for cover from the impending fire-fight. Martha ducks into a separate corner of the tunnel...and promptly gets kidnapped by a walking fish. Yes, the Hath have human bodies and fish heads with glowing, green, bubbling filter tubes for mouths. I don’t make this up; people in
Daughter calls Martha’s loss collateral damage. So, immediately she’s off on the wrong foot with Daddy. But it is Donna who steps in to give the humanitarian lecture: “Her name’s Martha, not collateral damage, not for anyone, have you got that, GI Jane.” (Do the British have GI’s or is that just for American soldiers? And did you know that Christopher Eccleston is playing Destro in the GI Joe movie? How the mind wanders.) The Doctor wants to go find Martha but Soldier Boy (the other two soldier boys were lost in the blast---collateral damage) won’t let him. Since the Doctor and Donna don’t make sense with their nonsensical “no guns, no [hand] marks, no fight” attitude, he’s taking them to General Cobb. (Yum, Cobb salads, do they have those in
Over on the other side of the blast area, Martha is regaining consciousness in a cloud of debris dust. She looks around and finds her kidnapper injured. She, in typical companion style is irrationally, generously, and wonderfully compassionate and relocates his dislocated shoulder. Kidnapper Hath is grateful and calls off the armed Hath goon squad that has been pointing guns at Martha the whole time. Kidnapper Hath is going to be Martha’s BFF Hath for the rest of the episode.
Back on the non-fish dwelling side of the Tunnel, Donna is asking Daughter’s name. Daughter doesn’t know, she hasn’t been assigned one yet. The Doctor, while stepping over another anvil, exposits that the progenation machine must embed military strategy and tactics into its “children” but not a name. The Doctor calls his daughter a “generated anomaly.” From this, Donna does her own extrapolating (generated, gen, jen, jenny) and comes up with the name Jenny. Donna then proceeds to do what she does best (and what I love best about her) give the Doctor a hard time, this time about being a new and crappy parent. The Doctor is distancing himself from his progeny, “they stole a tissue sample at gunpoint and processed it. It’s not what I call natural parenting.”
The Doctor finally gets around to asking where they are. Answer: planet Messaline, or what’s left of it. The group enters a cavernous underground room (actually a theater) where another progenation machine is busy extrapolating out more soldier boys and girls as other soldier boys and girls mill around doing military type stuff with evil, bad, horrible guns. A scruffy, bearded, white-haired soldier over the age of 40 approaches the Doctor and it is the aforementioned General Cobb Salad. General Cobb takes Donna and the Doctor for pacifists from the eastern zone, with whom General Cobb and his soldier gang lost contact over three generations ago. The Doctor adores being taken for a pacifist so he plays right along. General Cobb, however, doesn’t want their pacifism infecting his troops.
Over in Hath HQ, Martha is being led into a big room where the Hath have their own progenation machine that makes Hath soldiers. Fun! One of the Hath (it could be BFF Hath) holds up his hand and gets the attention of the others, he gestures to Martha and bubble talks to the rest of the group. All the Hath start mobbing Martha and petting her on the head. It’s weird, but we get the idea that the Hath like Martha, they really, really like her. Also, they muss with her hair and this is just the beginning of a really bad hair day for Martha Jones.
In the theater room, General Cobb is explaining to the Doctor that at the dawn of the planet these “ancient halls” were carved from the earth by ancestors searching for a new beginning and dreaming of a colony where human and Hath could live and work together. General Cobb blames the Hath for killing the dream by wanting the new planet for themselves. The human pioneers fought back, using the progenation machines to produce soldiers instead of colonists, and engaging in a battle for survival. Donna asks why they built underground. Soldier Boy claims the surface is too dangerous. “Then why build windows in the first place?” counters Donna as she stands next to a stained glass window (excellent point Donna) and also notices a plaque with a set of numbers hung on the wall beneath the window. General Cobb describes the writing as “rites and symbols of [their] ancestors, the meaning’s lost in time.” They have been at war longer than anyone can remember, “for countless generations marked only by the dead.” The Doctor and Donna find this a sad and depressing history lesson. Then the Daughter pipes in about how it is soldiers' (and her) legacy and it is all they know. The look on the Doctor’s face? He’s staring at Daddy’s little disappointment.
In Hath HQ, the Fish-faces have Martha looking at a projected map. BFF Hath is explaining something to her, and she seems to sort of understand him. “Right,” she says “so we’re sort of here,” and points to the map.
The Doctor is with General Cobb looking at a similar projected map. He wants to use it to find Martha. Soldier Boy, whose name is Cline, dismisses that idea for a better one: use the Doctor and Donna’s DNA to progenate a whole platoon! Donna’s “not having sons and daughters out of some great big flipping machine,” no offense meant to Jenny. Jenny, however, does take offense. “You’re no better than him [the Doctor],” she tells Donna, “I have a body, I have a mind, I have independent thought, How am I not real?" The Daughter has a point. “Well said, soldier,” General Cobb interjects, “we need more like you if we’re ever to find the Source.” This piques the Doctor’s interest. “Ooh, what’s the source? I like a source, what is it?” General Cobb and Cline describe “the Source” as a cosmic sigh breathed by the Great One, and possession of the Source controls the destiny of the planet. Once the Doctor catches on that “the Source” is just part of some boring creation myth, he zones out (typical Doctor ADHD) and starts fiddling with the map. Good thing, too because he finds a hidden layer of information, points his sonic screwdriver, and up pops a new layer of tunnels onto the map.
Martha and the Hath must be staring at the exact same map on the exact same network connection, because the same new pattern of tunnels unleashed by the Doctor turns up on their map too. Martha waves her arms and the Fish-faces bubble in excitement.
General Cobb gets all excited that the Doctor has shown them a map to the lost temple containing “the Source,” and he gloats that they are closer than the Hath. General Cobb starts rapidly making plans to progenate new soldiers on the morning shift (the progenation machines have to be powered down until then) and move out to the temple where they will get the Source and finally restore peace. The Doctor points out that they could have peace if they just stopped fighting. The Doctor doesn’t get it, General Cobb needs the Source so that he “can erase every stinking Hath on the face of this planet.” Uh. Oh. That’s genocide, and the Doctor don’t do that. Okay, he did that once, in the Time War. Twice if you count the destruction of both the Dalek and Time Lord races as two genocides. General Cobb calmly explains that “peace in our time” and “Hath genocide” mean the same thing. The Doctor wants to give Cobb a new dictionary where he can look up genocide and see a little picture of the Doctor there and the caption will read "over my dead body." Um, Doctor, I think it might instead read "over the dead Time Lord and Dalek bodies that I KILLED."
General Cobb clues into the fact that the Doctor is not going to be helpful and wants the Doctor to sit in a pretty cell and consider the irony that he’s the one who has given the soldiers the key to destroying the Hath. He directs Cline to take Donna and the Doctor to a cell, and threatens that if the Doctor tries anything his “woman” will die first. The Doctor and Donna continue the running and no longer funny joke that they aren’t a couple. General Cobb tosses Jenny in the cell with them as well since “she’s from pacifist stock.” Heh.
In Hath HQ, I get the feeling that the Fish-faces have come up with the same plan as General Cobb. They are doing some fist and gun pumping and congratulating Martha. Martha is bewildered because she didn’t do anything, but looking around, she’s afraid she just started a war.
In the cell, Donna notices another plaque with numbers. The numbers will become Donna’s contribution to this episode. The Doctor is ignoring the number thing, he’s too upset about the genocide and the bogus breath of life story. Jenny is shocked, Shocked, SHOCKED, I tell you, to learn that the breath of life story is not true. (Disappointing her father yet again.). The Doctor theorizes that there could still be something real in the temple, a piece of technology or weapon that has become a myth. Donna sort of plays into Cobb’s irony contemplation plan and points out that the Doctor has just given the soldiers directions to a potential genocidal weapon. Nice one Donna! The Doctor starts talking about making plans to stop the war and save Martha, but gets side-tracked by Jenny who is staring at him like an exasperated teenager. Jenny proceeds to poke holes in the Doctor’s self-righteous logic (which I thought was Donna’s job, damn it, I might actually start liking this Daughter). He’s drawing up strategies like a proper general. “No, I’m trying to stop the fighting.” “Isn’t every soldier?” “No, that’s...that’s...I haven’t got time for this,” and the Doctor chickens out of that fight.
He distracts us by asking Donna for her phone and giving it the jiggery-pokery upgrade that allows phone call placement through the whole of space and time. Jenny is not distracted, she points out that his screwdriver is a weapon. (Thank you!) “It’s not a weapon,” snits the Doctor. “You’re using it to fight back,” snorts Jenny. (And she hasn’t even seen him use it as a remote detonator). Then she gets excited about how much she “can learn from the Doctor, [he’s] such a soldier.” The Doctor is annoyed and has his hands full with the jiggery-pokery. He looks to Donna for help. Donna is having too much fun watching the show. She tells Jenny to keep going. The Doctor is annoyed with Donna now, but that’s nothing new. He calls Martha on the cell. Maybe Martha won’t be annoying. Hey look, Martha’s alive. Yay! And the Doctor’s alive. And Donna! And Jenny, “the woman from the machine,” the Doctor explains to Martha over the phone, “the soldier, my daughter, except she isn’t, anyway...” Jenny looks hurt and lost at the Doctor’s denial. I must say the script and her acting is doing a decent job at telegraphing her need for identity. And without anvils. Shocking.
Martha gives an update on the Hath plan to march off to someplace that “just appeared on a map thing.” Oops, “that was me,” realizes the Doctor. This irony contemplation scheme of General Cobb’s is working well. Martha, who practically IS a soldier, stands to attention and asks the Doctor for orders. The Doctor forgets that Martha is awesome (or remembers how big and costly a job he gave Martha the last time he gave her orders) and tells her to do nothing and stay there. Yeah, have you met Martha, or any companion worth her salt? She’s not doing that. And there’s no arguing, because the cell phone call gets dropped. So much for Ten’s jiggery-pokery cell plan.
In the prison cell, the Doctor is trying to figure a way out. Jenny wants to help. The Doctor rudely and meanly tells her no, “you belong with them.” Daddy’s love is so hard to win. Donna verbally slaps the Doctor upside the head, “she belongs with us, with you, she’s you’re daughter.” Angry Doctor: “She’s a soldier, she came out of that machine.” Donna, awesomely, starts to prove a point and does what the audience has been waiting for. She asks the Doctor for his stethoscope, which he’s still carrying around in his Mary Poppins, bottomless pockets. She listens to Jenny’s TWO HEARTS!!! Yep, this girl ain’t human. (And when and how did the Donna learn about the two hearts thing?). The Doctor listens even though he already knows what’s there, and he doesn’t want to know it. Heck, he even literally backs away from it. On the heels of his genocidal Time War memories the discovery of another Gallifreyan is juxtaposing a lot of pain and loss, and my guess is he’s afraid to give in to any kind of happiness because it will only lead to loss. But he looks at Jenny and sees a kid who biologically shares something with him that others can’t understand and she’s got to go somewhere.
Now Donna starts to ask the good questions. Is she a female Time Lord? (Of course, my personal question is what is the difference between a Gallifreyan and a Time Lord? I’ve assumed---and my knowledge base comes solely from the post 2005 “new Who” series and a few hours spent browsing through Wikipedia---that the people of the Doctor’s planet are Gallifreyans and Time Lord is a title given to those Gallifreyans who are talented and special enough to stare into a time vortex, remain functionally sane thereafter and learn to fly a TARDIS through time and space. A Time Lord can feel the whole of space and time. I’m pretty sure Jenny’s not feeling that. So my guess is that she’s Gallifreyan, but not a Time Lord. You have to stare into an awful abyss to become a Time Lord. Rose Tyler is more of a Time Lord than this chick is.). Jenny likes the sound of being a Time Lord (who wouldn't), it’s a new identity she could do. I think the Doctor is with my point of view. He’s sad and angry and tells Jenny she is NOT a Time Lord, she is “an echo, that’s all, a Time Lord is so much more, a sum of knowledge, a code, a shared history, a shared suffering.” Donna is rolling her eyes a bit at this speech, but not too much, because she is empathetic, and she knows where the Doctor is coming from because, as the Doctor explains “it’s gone now, all of it, gone forever.” And a pinch on the hand, a tissue extrapolation and a magic progenation box can’t bring it all back. (But could a magic blue box bring it back…if only). The point is, Jenny, you can’t just be a Time Lord, you have to earn it.
Jenny wants to know what happened to all the Time Lords and the Doctor has to explain how there was a war (and wars are BAD) a war much bigger than this Hath-Human skirmish, and he fought in it and killed. “Then how are we different?” asks Jenny, and I’d like Jenny better if she didn’t ask, because it’s obvious the Doctor’s already contemplating this question, sitting in his sad, mournful cell of irony.
Martha is with her BFF Hath asking for a cell phone charger. So it wasn’t the Doctor’s fault the call got dropped. BFF Hath is messing with the projection map and brings up another layer of information. And he didn’t even need a screwdriver to do it! “Clever, Hath,” hams Martha Jones. Martha wants to take a shortcut to the temple over the surface. BFF Hath thinks it is too dangerous. Martha checks the surface readings on the projection map and thinks it is safe enough to do. BFF Hath is reluctant, but he won’t let his BFF Martha go alone.
In the cell, Jenny pulls the old femme fatale scam on Cline who is guarding the cell. She gives him some come-hither glances, sultry talk and a little kiss, during which she takes Cline’s gun and forces him to open the door. Donna would like to see the Doctor try that (not because she wants to see it, but because she thinks he can’t. The Doctor and I think she’s wrong, he can and would.)
Sneaking around the tunnels, the Doctor, Donna and Jenny (what did they do with Cline?) run into another guard. The Doctor won’t let Jenny shoot him (because guns are BAD), and he also discourages Donna from attempting her femme fatale distraction tricks…saving that for an, um, emergency. The Doctor shoves around in his bottomless pockets and is very happy about what he finds. (Yes, it does come off as a bit dirty).
It’s a wind-up mouse toy. (I thought he hated cats, why would he have that?). This distracts the guard. While the guard follows the mouse, Jenny knocks him out with a chop of her hand. (I guess that’s what happened to Cline). The Doctor is not happy with this choice of action. Bad Daughter, she hurt someone! (Sheesh, she doesn’t even catch a break for not using a bad, evil Gun).
Over on the Hath side of the tunnels, Martha and BFF Hath go to the surface. It’s cold, windy and rocky. The wind is exacerbating Martha’s bad hair day and BFF Hath’s bad mood. And evidently, Martha understands Hath bubble-swear.
That’s what happened to Cline! General Cobb finds him hog-tied and gagged in the cell formerly occupied by the Doctor, Donna and Jenny. General Cobb is upset and calls on his troops to start marching to war.
The Doctor, meanwhile, has found a door to the hidden tunnel. Donna notices more number plaques and the fact that the plaques are counting downwards. She borrows some paper and pen from the Doctor’s bottomless pockets and keeps track. Jenny is baffled by the Doctor’s and Donna’s habit of “always thinking.” And, if I were the Doctor, this would piss me off more than the soldier-gun-hurting people bit. Jenny is not nearly smart/clever enough to be his daughter. She’s nowhere near genius, and she’s not even close to Rose’s level of intelligence. (And she's shown nothing resembling Rose, Martha and Donna's capacity for compassion). So far she’s just treading water above stupid. Sure she can point out facts and contradictions, but she’s not THINKING. Case in point, she points out that the Doctor doesn’t have a real name either and accuses him of being an anomaly too. Out of this conversation, Jenny gets the standard the Doctor is awesome speech, and from Donna learns about how the Doctor travels through time and space, saves planets, rescues civilizations, defeats terrible creatures, and runs a lot. (Donna’s right, there is a ridiculous amount of running). Jenny wants in on this Time Lord traveling life. The Doctor finally manages to open the door and they’re off and running....
....until they come up against a random set of laser lights blocking a corridor. This is an elaborate excuse for Jenny to demonstrate some acrobatic soldier skills as she flips her way through the maze once the Doctor and Donna have screwdriver-ed their own way across. It’s a pretty pointless and static action sequence, used only for a emotionally illogical plot development. But before the flipping and laser dodging, Jenny offers to hold off the advancing General Cobb and his forces with her gun. The Doctor is not happy with that plan, (even though it totally works and allows him and Donna to get across the laser maze safely). Jenny starts providing suppressive fire, and the Doctor is all she’s no daughter of mine, she’s a fraking soldier (sorry, wrong show). General Cobb tries to use psychological warfare on Jenny and get her to come back to the soldier side because “it’s in [her] blood.” Jenny maybe remembers how a few hours ago, General Cobb was insulting her pacifist stock blood and turns her gun on the ceiling above General Cobb to open up a visually impairing gas vent. (Okay, that was not stupid, but I still wouldn’t call it fantastically clever). Jenny runs to join the Doctor on the other side of the maze and does the pointless, laser flipping bit...which, somehow, impresses the Doctor and Donna so much that he gives her a joyful, loving, Daddy's-little-girl hug.
Come On! He loves her now? Because she rejected the soldier people who rejected her first and she flipped through a maze of lasers due to her embedded soldier programming? Just because the soldier family denying and laser flipping seemed like an impossible thing to do, he loves and accepts her as her own? Do you see how I’m not buying it? Meanwhile she still hasn’t shown me how she’s any smarter or more compassionate than Mickey Smith or Jackie Tyler, which I think are bare minimum intelligence/compassion qualifications for a hug from the Doctor.
Up on the surface, Martha and BFF Hath are hiking their way to the temple. Martha falls into some quicksand/mud. BFF Hath jumps in after her and pushes her out onto land. But I guess he doesn’t have enough strength to save himself and sinks under. I kept thinking the fishy gills part of his face would have some swimming in quicksand/mud benefit, but no. BFF Hath is a dead redshirt. Martha starts sobbing, and it’s pretty bad, the acting I mean. Freema Agyeman is normally good, so I’m not sure what’s going on here. But it’s not believable. The sad epic-death music is the most convincing thing on the screen.
Jenny is asking Donna what traveling with the Doctor is like. “Terrifying, brilliant and funny, sometimes all at the same time,” she answers. Jenny likes the sound of that, “[she]’d love to see new worlds.” “You will!” exclaims Donna, and then she basically invites Jenny into the TARDIS (the same way she re-invited herself onto the TARDIS in the Partners in Crime, which is a nice character moment). The Doctor now luvvvs Jenny so he gives a cute little smile (damn your eyes, pretty, pretty David Tennant) and extends the invite. Astrid accepts and seals her fate. Sorry, wrong episode. But still, you know it’s never good if you accept a TARDIS companionship invitation before the last three minutes of a Doctor Who episode. That’s redshirt territory, my friend. The Doctor then goes into Daddy mode, warning Jenny of possible traps up ahead as she scampers off in happiness.
Donna checks in with the Doctor emotionally, to see if he has “Dad Shock: sudden unexpected fatherhood.” That’s not why the doctor is a little down. He explains to Donna that he’s been a dad before. Donna is shocked, Shocked, SHOCKED I tell you. And I would be too, if I didn’t read stuff on Wikipedia. Donna puts her shock aside to be genuinely understanding as the Doctor explains about losing his family. And then Donna does what I love best, says crap that I’ve always wanted to say to Ten: “You talk all the time, but you don’t say anything.” The Doctor answers with a very frank “I know.” And it’s a sweet summation of how things just are when you’re with the Doctor. The Doctor doesn’t know if he can face traveling with Jenny, seeing a reminder of what he’s lost every day. Donna thinks it won’t stay like that, that Jenny will be therapeutic, she’ll help him deal with his Time Lord burden. Donna too, they’ll both help him. And the Doctor looks at Donna. He loves Donna, because Donna helps him. Awh. And emotionally it’s logical! The Doctor dumps some cold water on the therapeutic theory and asserts that when his family died, a part of him died with them and it’ll never come back. And Donna decides to tell the Doctor something she’s never told him before: “I think you’re wrong.” Seriously! She’s never told him that before? I’m pretty sure she has. But the actors aren’t playing the line like it was funny. Huh? That’s Donna’s job. To tell him when he’s wrong. To tell him to stop. Whatever, there are guns firing in the distance. Jenny comes back and wants to go running. She loves the running. The Doctor looks down at Jenny and echoes “love the running.” And it’s like Westley saying As You Wish. Jenny’s soooo going to bite it at the end of this episode.
Martha is on her own at the windy surface. She finds the temple and it looks like a big spaceship.
The Doctor, Donna and Jenny find the door to the temple. Donna notices that the number plaque above it is getting smaller. Hey, Jenny, look, Donna’s still thinking, what are you doing? Nothing. The Doctor uses the sonic screwdriver to open the door.
Somewhere else in the
The Doctor, Donna and Jenny do some running around and discover that the temple is a spaceship (fusion transport, is that like an FTL drive?) still powered up and functioning. They run around some more and find the ship’s log. Turns out they are on the original colonizing ship. The last log says the mission commander is dead and that the Hath and Humans are disagreeing on who should assume control of the city. The Doctor theorizes that the crew divided into factions, turned on each other, started using the progenation machines and created two armies fighting a never ending war. (By the way, war is BAD). Donna picks this moment to be brilliant and figure out that the numbers she is seeing on the plaques are dates. I think the Doctor should be a bit embarrassed that he didn’t figure this out. Donna explains the set of numbers is a year, month, day combination, “it’s the other way around like it is in
The Doctor’s thinking juices are flowing now, he’s got a good idea of what the Source could be and he’s off to find it. Yeah, he’s running to find it……and he runs into Martha. Happy reunion ensues. Donna points out how filthy Martha is and asks, “what happened.” Martha answers, “I took [pause] the surface rout.” I’m going to let Freema’s hesitation between the words “took” and “the” redeem that awful scenery chewing crying scene, it communicates how Martha feels and tells me about her character. Good acting-writing combo there.
Now it’s Martha’s turn to be brilliant. She smells flowers. What’s Time Lord Jenny doing? Nothing. The gang is off, following the scent of flowers. They end up in the greenhouse portion of the spaceship. The Doctor gets a little too excited about the growing plants and then focuses on a glowing sphere thing in the middle of the garden/jungle. He claims it is terraforming, “a third generation terraforming device.” (Terraforming! They do that to moons in the Joss Whedon Serenity universe!). The terraforming sphere is making the garden, because that’s what it does. It would make a bigger planet-wide garden but the Doctor explains it is in a transit state.
In the middle of the Doctor’s terraforming exposition the Human and Hath armies break into the garden with their evil, bad guns pointing. The Doctor tells them to stop, “[they] can’t win, no one can, [they] don’t even know why [they]’re here. You don’t even know your history, it’s just Chinese whispers getting more distorted as it’s passed on.” He shows them the Source and explains that it’s nothing mystical, just a bubble of gasses meant to make the planet habitable. “It’s not for killing, it’s for bringing life.” So the breath of the creator myth wasn’t too far off. Oh no, then the Doctor says this: “It can lift you out of these dark tunnels and into the bright, bright sunlight.” And now I have visions of season three Tinkerbell Doctor and flying among the angels Doctor. And I know that whatever happens next, I’m not going to like it. Sure enough, the doctor picks up the sphere, declares the war over and smashes it to the ground. Tinkerbell fairy dust gas spills out, floats, gets bigger, spreads into the sky, and just up and terraforms the whole planet. And I call bull. Malcom Renylods would call bull on this pansy light-trick terraforming crap, and, Doctor, he’d rip that brown coat of your back too while he was at it. The terraforming solution is an easy cheat, but whatever. It’s the story that matters not the little scientific details.
Everybody, Human and Hath are happy about peace and terraforming, everybody except for General Cobb, that is. He takes out his evil, bad gun and aims for the Doctor. Jenny jumps in front of her father and takes the evil, bad bullet in her chest, where a human person’s heart should be. Yet, she’s barely bleeding. Jenny has a death scene now. She babbles about a new world and how it’s so beautiful. The Doctor holds her and tells her to be strong, hold on, we’ve got things to do, etc., ending with “you’re my daughter and we’ve only just got started, you’re gonna be great, you’re gonna be more than great, you’re gonna be amazing.” (Yeah, I saw no proof of that). And then Jenny dies. The Doctor holds her and gets that angry sad face only with watery eyes this time. (I make fun, but David Tennant is very good here). Donna and Martha look on with sad faces, but no tears.
The Doctor reaches for a bit of hope (it’s a good emotion). “TWO HEARTS! She’s like me. If we wait, if we just wait” he asks Dr. Martha Jones. Because suddenly she’s the expert on Time Lord physiology?!? Martha shakes her head (after not even examining the patient/dead girl) and says “there’s no sign, there’s no regeneration (I guess UNIT and TORCHWOOD fully briefed her on the regeneration stuff), she’s like you but no.” “No,” the Doctor’s sad little hopeful face agrees, that would be too much to hope for. Then he claims “she was too much like me.” What? Okay. First, the Doctor is all about hoping for the impossible. Second, this is more bull, only this time with the character development. Little Jenny never demonstrated she was like the Doctor, she never demonstrated intelligence beyond her military programming. She chose not to kill somebody and did some flips through a superfluous plot device. Martha and Donna have shown twice as much courage, compassion and intelligence in this very episode. Jenny has done nothing TARDIS key worthy or remotely Time Lordy. All I’ve seen is that she has two hearts, and, Doctor, you’re not even bothering to check if the other one is still beating.
The Doctor kisses his dead daughter good-bye and gives murdering General Cobb the stink eye. Ooh, then he puts a gun to Cobb’s head but CHOOSES not to shoot him because the Doctor “never would,” do that. Then, he instructs the armies to “remember that,” and “make the foundation of this society, a man who never would.” Never would what? Never shoot anyone out of revenge? Never shoot anyone ever? Never use a bad, evil gun? It’s slightly unclear, and it’s cheesy, but Tennant is working hard at saving it.
The Doctor agrees to leave Jenny’s dead body behind and have the Humans and Hath give her a proper burial ceremony. Back in the TARDIS the Doctor’s hand is still bubbling. (You’d think that might make him think twice about whether Jenny is dead). The Doctor explains for Donna and Martha that Jenny was the reason the TARDIS brought them to Messaline, that it just got to Messaline too soon which then created Jenny in the first place, a paradox, he points out, an endless paradox. Martha has some familiarity with the painful results of paradoxes, she quietly supports the Doctor and agrees with him that it’s time to go home. Also, her hair is now an utter and total mess.
Home on a
Back on Messaline at the burial preparations, Cline and a Hath are getting ready to wrap Jenny in a shroud or something, but she starts breathing either terraforming Tinkerbell gas or time vortex gas, or something else very similar to what the Doctor kept breathing out after his last regeneration. And, presto, Jenny’s alive. Way to screw up that diagnosis, doctors Doctor and Jones.
Jenny is happy with her new lease on life and begins by stealing a shuttle from the spaceship. What are they going do “tell [her]dad?” She’s off to see the universe, “planets to save, civilizations to rescue, creatures to defeat, and an awful lot of running to do.” I smell another spin-off.
Next time: Agatha Christie. Yay!
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